Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Make Me Stronger

what doesnt kill me makes me stronger
Something you may not know about me is that I love tattoos. 
When they're done right, they can represent such beauty.
Even though I love them, I never had the guts to get one. 
I've always wanted one but I am such a big baby when it comes to pain. 
The thought of having to sit through something like that terrified me.

As I mentioned here, I am going through some major crap right now. 
I got to the point where I honestly looked forward to feeling the physical pain of a tattoo.. because maybe it would overpower some of the emotional pain I was feeling. Even if it was just for a bit. 
That sounds kinda dramatic, but it's exactly how I felt. And it's exactly what happened.

I decided to get "what does not kill me will make me stronger" in handwriting vertically along my spine.
I know this quote is not unique to me, but it is something that I have always repeated to myself through rough times. Even when I was younger. 
It's a quote that has deep meaning to me.
It's on my spine because that is my "backbone", something that holds me together.
The spine is also supposed to be one of the most painful places on your body to get a tattoo. That gave the quote even more meaning behind it. 
It starts from the bottom and goes up. Because I think that's true in rough situations -- when you're at rock bottom, the only place you have to go is up.
It was also done on a date that has a significant meaning to me.

I was screaming and yelling and talking jibberish during the whole tattoo session. I'm not going to lie, it felt like I was being sliced repeatedly with a burning knife. It was painful. But I kept telling myself it would be worth it in the end. As my tattoo artist put it, I had to accept that I was going to be in pain for a little bit but that it was only temporary.

As soon as the tattoo was done, I stood up and bursted into tears.
I think it was just an overwhelming mix of emotions that came over me. 
I couldn't believe that I actually went through it. I couldn't believe that I survived the pain. I felt so proud of myself for what may seem little to you but means so much more than just a tattoo to me.

You can't read it well in this picture, but it's still one of my favorites. It was taken right after the tattoo was finished and I was viewing it for the first time.

tattoo on spine

I know it sounds silly, but it makes me feel stronger.

Shoutout to Ryan at Tattoolicious in Waikiki for being so sweet and incredibly patient with me!


Nikki said...

Love it!!

Stella Tatiana said...

Love this post. I can't get over how beautiful it is!

Melissa @ 53Blonde said...

I already said it on Instagram, but this is absolutely stunning and the meaning behind it is even more beautiful.

As someone with 20+ tattoos myself, I totally understand what your artist meant about temporary pain. My second tattoo was my foot, and after that, EVERYTHING is easy! So mine don't bother me now, but I can totally empathize with the pain (and wanting to release pain) coming from your first.

Congratulations. It is lovely.

Karen L said...

Love it Jessica it looks great! :D Its all worth it in the end!

erica @ to the sea said...

Love it!

Sarah said...

Love it. Good for you, stay strong mama!

Carly said...

Whoa, I LOVE this!!!

Brandi said...

I was the same way about tattoos, I loved them, but didn't have the guts to get them. I now have two decent sized pieces.

I love your reasoning for getting this piece, and it's beautiful!

xo Brandi- Cupcakes and Curves

Vicki Garrett said...

I love it!! Good for you!!

Kim O said...

It is so beautiful! I love hearing the explanations behind tattoos- it makes them even more special

Aukele @ 91dash said...

Aw I'm so happy you got it!!!!

Blush and Barbells said...

Lovely tattoo, but it does look painful. I have one and it hurt like a $%&(! I have no idea how people get several of them - one was more than enough for me!

Dara said...

I love that there is so much meaning behind it and it looks great on your spine!

Chelsey Patti said...

DANG GIRL!!! Very cool!

Niki Caron said...

I LOVE it!!! I've been thinking about getting one down my side (I haven't decided on the phrase yet but I've got a couple in mind). The spine one is super cool! And I don't think you sound dramatic at all, I think that's the reason why many of us get tattoos - they hold so much meaning and can be so theraputic.

Setarra said...

You Go Girl! My gramma always says "After the storm, there is always a rainbow." Your tattoo came out beautifully :)

Shane Prather said...

I've been debating what to get a tattoo of and I love this!!

Kate Cee said...

I just got my first tattoo in March and I am so in love with it. I am ready for another one, but my husband isn't sure if I should. I know I will win. They are so beautiful. So many are like pieces of art!

Anonymous said...

You're so brave! I have a tattoo on my shoulder, and even being just an inch or so away from my spine hurt like hell. I couldn't imagine getting an entire quote along my spine. So meaningful!

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